Today I Learned

TIL
- I’m probably nocturnal.  I had way too much fun and clarity working the night shift last night into this morning.

- Oompa Loompas are just little people with liver failure.  Not only do people with advanced liver failure glow orange but all their excretions are orange (or neon yellow) and they smell like the fake butter they put on your popcorn at the movie theater. 

- My gag reflex does have its limits: orange liver failure patient and butternut squash for dinner DO NOT MIX!

-In my new town, when an older woman rings your doorbell and asks to “use an outside electrical outlet to recharge your elderly neighbors’ powered wheel chair to take to him in the nursing home,” it really means she wants to use the electrical outlet, not rape, rob or murder you.  Although, if the latter were the case, I was prepared, I had my sword on me.  Turns out to be a sad story, the guy next door is dying and he’s been gone from home so long that the electricity has been shut off.  I also think I saw some squirrels casing the joint.  I guess we could do worse for neighbors (the squirrels, not the dying guy, oh that sounds bad, you know what I mean).

I know it's early but I'm all set with learning for the day.

I DID IT!

Did you feel that?  A slow steady breeze that made your hair stand on end but put you at ease at the same time?   That was me sighing.  Months of hard work, dedication, fatigue and fear were all carried away on that breath.  I passed my state’s nursing exam and am officially an RN.  I cannot stop smiling even as I sit here typing.  I don’t know exactly how to verbalize what I’m feeling right now.  I could say something about feeling like a million bucks or like I have an armful of puppies…None of it would get to the heart of the matter.  All I can say is thank you for thinking positive and for your encouragement.   

Foot-In-Mouth

Ever have a bad case of foot-in-mouth disease?  I know some of you are afflicted with the issue on a regular basis.  Well, the other day I was on the other end of the situation: I got foot-in-mouth shat on by a coworker.  I almost don’t want to share what was said…but I will.  During some down time at work I decided to seek advice for a Halloween costume (for a certain ghoulish wedding coming up).  I was presented with some pretty lame ideas but the worse was when someone said “Oh, you should go as Whoopi Goldberg, you look just like her.”  To which I snapped my head around and said “[Expletive] you!”  It was the first time I ever spoke like that at my new job.  Ah, who am I kidding, it wasn’t the first time.  Still, I think I startled the girl because she tried to backtrack with “I mean when she was in Sister Act with her hair down.”  Another expletive was about to drip from my tongue but instead I kindly told her that I was no longer entertaining suggestions from her.  So, as a lesson to us all, when making new friends and acquaintances, try thinking before speaking.  Consider the rule about not asking a woman about her due date until you’ve confirmed actual conception.  Now add to it don’t tell someone they look like another individual who is unattractive and has no eyebrows. 

I’m just sayin’.