A superhero in the making

My question is this: are there superhero training camps for adults? And if so, how do I sign up?  I’m talking legit training though not those lame self-help workshops that pop up on Google search (yes, I googled it).  It seems to me any legit camp would be underground and off the military’s radar.  But then how do you find them?  Ah, I know what you’re thinking, you don’t find them, they find you.  Crap!  That can’t be the only way.  I’m supposed to wait around for some cloaked, masked figure to spot me in a brief act of selfless bravery layered with master-mindful badassness?  Come on, I do that every day (Ha!).  No, seriously, I have the heart and the courage, I just need the proper training, a killer outfit and an enhanced ability.  Ok, so if I’m going to talk seriously, then maybe I should look for something more like a vigilante training camp. Eh, that just doesn’t sound as cool.  Sounds more like a beefed-up neighborhood watch filled with pissed-off moms and ex-marines.  Hmmm, that could work actually.  I will continue my search.  

Fear not fellow citizens, soon I will be extraordinary and there to preserve your safety and freedom. 

Some Help from Mr. Frost (The poet, not the guy from Batman, oh wait that's Mr. Freeze)

Soon I will have a decision to make; two separate paths…"two roads diverged…"  For me the road not taken isn’t labeled thus because no one else has followed it, but because it has been less traveled by me.  I rarely chose the path that others expect me to.  I’m sure to them my logic seems flawed or unplanned and maybe sometimes it has been.  But I’ve yet to regret my choices, most of which have enriched my life a great deal.  The fork in the road before me now seems different somehow.  One path seems obvious and ordinary, the other odd and unpredictable.  It is the second road that I would normally choose, the one less traveled by others.  But perhaps it is time to choice a path that has “wanted wear” for my lack of having trodden there.  Maybe I’m changing because I’ve aged (or because I’m tired). 

As you acknowledge that both roads seem “really about the same” I imagine you making a list (as I often do) of pros and cons to weigh each option.  They really are the same.  Which leads me to wonder when you say “I shall be telling this with a sigh…I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference” if that is a good thing?  Or is it with a heavy sigh that you look back on what your path could have been, what you might have missed?  Maybe “all the difference” it will make is based on ones happiness with his decision.  Ah, happiness, something much harder to gauge than power, advancement or money.  Yet, much more satisfying, I think.  I suppose it will make all the difference when I do finally decide.  I think, perhaps, I already have.             

Thanks Bob.

Happy to Help

Since I’ve been in nursing school I’ve had a lot of people ask me for health advice.  Unfortunately I often find that I’m more of a disappointment than a help.  There’s still a lot I don’t know and people have all kinds of issues.  I do know a few things I’m willing to share.  They’re a bit random and you probably already know most of them but now you can’t say I never offered to help.

When you’ve been exposed to someone with a cold or the flu –

Take a shot of vodka or brandy, swish and gargle before you swallow (I’m serious), do this as soon as you get home and again for the next couple of days

Unpleasant foot odor –

Maalox soak: you’ll need Maalox and two pairs of thick socks, soak one pair of socks in the Maalox then put them on your feet, cover with the other pair and let them soak for an hour.

Dry, cracked heels –

Vixx Vapo-Rub dip: slather both feet in Vixx salve, cover with socks, wait an hour

Take ibuprofen for pain but NOT on an empty stomach (causes GI bleed, which may sound innocent but is foul-foul-foul). Oh, and pain followed by vomiting is usually a bad thing and worth a trip to the ER.

Don’t get tricked into taking antibiotics for the flu.  However, do take them for strep throat and take the entire dose.  Antibiotics misuse is how you get MRSA (pronounced mersa).

Calcium is great but won’t do you any good without vitamin D

Most prescribed medications have some food contraindications, grapefruit, licorice and green tea are common culprits; always ask or look them up.

Supplying all this healthcare advice has got me thinking about writing my own How To books.  Here’s a brief list of How To books I’d like to write.  Some I might be qualified to do others not so much.

How to use the self-check-out line (qualified)

How to make churros (not so much but give me a year)

How to use your automobile’s signal light (qualified)

How to drive a getaway car (uh, qualified)

How to incorporate caramel into your day (done)

That’s all I’ve got, folks.